I was on Twitter today, and saw a guy tweet the following:
“Teach your daughters to keep their virginity until marriage. Even on products it’s written ‘do not purchase if seal is broken.'”
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT?!
Sorry for the profanity, but seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY people! Who talks like that anymore? Who equates women and their virginity to seals on products, like a box of fucking Cheez-Its? It is so disturbing. Demeaning. And the thing is, these men (and some women) think it is perfectly normal to base a woman’s moral compass on whether or not she is a virgin. Since when did a woman’s virginity determine whether or not she is a good person? Yet I hear it over and over again.
Guys I meet online are quick to ask if I’m a virgin in the first few minutes of us corresponding. I ask why it’s important to know; they say it isn’t. Yet they continue to push for an answer that I refuse to give them. Not because I am ashamed, but because it’s none of their damn business. How is that a concern so early in the conversation? Maybe down the line before an engagement or we’ve talked for more than 5 minutes, I might answer it. I MIGHT.
It’s not just the men who shame women for losing their virginity. How many times have we seen women shamed by women in real life, and in movies, books, etc.? Remember the movie Easy A with Emma Stone? Her best friend turns on her, calling her names and distancing herself. But why? Why is it such a bad thing for a woman to enjoy sex? It’s HER body and HER life. What she does with it has no bearing on anyone else. Yet women will slut-shame other women with ease. Whether it is because they themselves are virgins and can’t understand, or they are envious of a woman having that kind of control over her own sexuality- these women serve as the fuel for men to continue to judge a sexually active woman.
I have heard many guys talk about how they want to marry a woman who preferably hasn’t slept with any guys, because her giving her virginity to him is the most precious gift, and he wants to be the only one to receive it. (I literally just gagged typing that, and my fingers felt weird typing that out. Ew.) It’s like they fetishize virginity; it’s gross. Honestly, what guy wants to be the one to create that pain for a woman? What type of guy gets off on something like that? I’ll tell you who- the guys on dating sites looking for a “good” Muslim girl aged 20-25, when he himself is pushing 40. FUCK THAT. You’re a disgusting pig.
Parents who teach their boys to want a virgin, and the ones who teach girls they are worthless if they are not: just stop it. You are creating issues within our community that are the cause of relationships falling apart so quickly. Guys have unrealistic expectations, they shame a woman, and then spread it around town and ruin the woman’s reputation. Girls who are taught sex is bad are shamed to the point they don’t know what sex is and what happens, so come the wedding night she is literally terrified of her husband. She sees sex as a shameful, dirty thing, which then creates issues between her and her husband. I’m not saying let people run around and have sex, but properly educate your children on sex and answer their questions. Don’t let them feel ashamed.
Also, a woman being sexually active does not mean she should be susceptible to rape. Just because she has sex with multiple guys, it DOES NOT MEAN she should be blamed when she is raped. Sex without consent is RAPE, plain and simple. If she consents to sex with 100 guys and at 101 she refuses, IT IS HER RIGHT.
One more time if you didn’t get it:
IF A WOMAN CONSENTS TO SEX WITH 100 MEN AND AT 101 SHE REFUSES, IT IS HER RIGHT.
Not sure why how many sexual partners a woman has had has anything to do with whether or not she should have been raped. No guy has the right over any woman’s body, whether that man is her boyfriend, friend, husband, or stranger. If she says no, she means no. So let it go.
Lastly, stop objectifying women. Stop correlating our virginity to broken seals, flowers, wrapped gifts. Stop comparing covered and uncovered women to lollipops, pearls, chocolate. And for the love of God, stop treating women like sex slaves, auctioning us off to the highest bidding suitor based on our age and virginity status. This shit happened hundreds of years ago. Not now. Not anymore.
Women are more than just their sexual status. It’s about time we got rid of these backward ways and embraced a more open, judgement-free outlook.