Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Busy

by jdeena

It seems that lately there’s been a pattern in my dating lifestyle. I meet a guy, we start talking, and within a week he’s gone. Reason? I’m too busy for him.


I can’t help it that I have a life filled with family, events, extra-curricular activities, and a consuming job. Now, before you roll your eyes and tell me I sound like a bitch, read on. This is not to say that when I have the time I don’t use it to connect with someone; I do. But to be punished for being busy is completely unfair. I am aware that meeting someone is hard, and I am willing to compromise certain things when the time comes. However, when you ask me to ditch my mom or skip a work call I have at night, I have to say that doesn’t put you in a favorable light.

I think this issue also goes back to the idea that over the years, women have usually had to make themselves available to men. A woman’s role is in society was that of someone who was ready to drop everything to be with a guy. Her career definitely came second, and if she ever tried to fight this role, she was categorized as unyielding and cold-hearted.

I have always tried to figure out why men expect that from women, and I have yet to figure it out. Let’s throw out an example for reference. If we were introduced today, and you wanted to hang out this weekend, I’d say no. I already have plans. But does that make me a bitch because I won’t cancel them? If they are important to me, shouldn’t you be able to understand that? I have a hard time thinking that I should skip an event I’d been planning on going to for months, just because we met today.

Now, you may be thinking “well, would you expect a guy to do that for you?” HELL NO. If a guy dropped everything just to hang out with me for the first time, I’d find it a bit desperate and irrational. And I’d never want someone to ditch their plans they’ve had for a while. If you have something planned, I’d understand. Just like I’d expect you to understand if the tables were turned.

So, what is the solution? I think it’s important that both genders realize that the roles have changed over the years. Women have taken on more responsibility and are focusing more on careers and personal interests. That does not make someone a bad person. I honestly would like to think that a guy would be impressed by that, or at least appreciative of it. Women also need to realize that men are not going to automatically drop everything for them, and since the role of women has changed, they have to take the change that comes with it.

There needs to be more dialogue between men and women. And men need to be receptive to listening to women and trying to understand where we come from. Just because a woman is focusing on her career and has established a lifestyle filled with activities, it doesn’t mean she will not welcome a partner when the time is right. But please try and be more understanding. It’s frustrating to us when we are constantly being punished for things not in our control. If you are important to us, we’ll make time for you.