Baby Steps

The other day I was talking to my friends about my take on relationships. Apparently, I’m cold and unromantic because I think that certain things guy do are stifling and obnoxious. For instance, I don’t like it when a guy is completely adoring in the first few weeks of meeting me. I have my own life going on and can’t drop everything to talk on the phone multiple times a day. A guy who constantly praises my looks turns me off because I feel like after the first 20 or 400 times….I get it, ok? You think I’m pretty or whatever other generic term you like to use. I also find it odd when a guy is ready to spend money on me from the first time we meet or hang out….like, shouldn’t you know if I am worth the $50 you’re about to spend on dinner? I don’t mind if we go dutch the first few times until you’re positive you like me.

So is there something wrong with me thinking that way? My friends tell me over and over again that I push guys away with this type of thinking, but I really don’t know how to be that other type of girl. I can’t let a guy just wine and dine me because- let’s face it- this ain’t no movie and we’re not characters in The Notebook. (Excuse my English there, I just had to let that out)

The problem is, when a guy showers me with gifts and adoration, I feel that it isn’t genuine. Why? Maybe because I never experienced that before in any relationship and I feel like it’s just a ploy to get me to let me guard down and then break my heart. Maybe. I haven’t really thought about it that much. Haha. But seriously. I just feel like it’s so fake and just a show. But a lot of these guys are truly genuine, because once they realize I’m a cold bitch, they move on to wine and dine another girl I know and live happily ever after. So what I have realized is that I need to let go some of the previous relationship trepidation and allow a guy to treat me in the way he feels I deserve.

This isn’t to say that I will turn mushy and clingy and expect a dozen roses every month (I hate roses, such a typical choice. Surprise me with Casablanca lilies and we’ll talk). Or that I will let him pay every time we go out (and I won’t because I work too so why not?). Or that I will decalre my love for him on social media and stamp our date with those annoying marriage emoticons on my IG profile (seriously, just stop it girls. We know you’re engaged/married. We saw the bajillion pics you posted for the past 4 years.)

What I WILL do is allow a guy to tell me he likes me, call me, pay for me…on occasion. I will be charming and sweet, until he touches on one of my hot-button topics (like misogyny or hijab) or he says something that truly offends me (then the gloves come off). I guess it’s like I have reverted to my pre-adolescent stage and I need to start off the next relationship with baby steps until I feel I am ready to run right into his arms (which is SO cheesy that I’d never do it.) The truth of the matter is, I just turned 32, and honestly, I have too much potential as an amazing partner to let it go to waste being single. Call me arrogant, but hey, it’s the truth.

So, here’s to a new change in my life. Let’s pray that I don’t overdose on this and become one of those annoying girls we’ve all come to hate.

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