Communication Amongst the Sexes

by jdeena

I have a friend who is an Actor in LA, and he also hosts a radio program every week on LA Talk Radio called Imperfect Gentlemen. He took a lifestyle and made it a brand, in that through his radio show and the products he sells, he has changed the way men and women interact. The show is basically an advice column on air, where listeners can send in topics and he and his co-host will answer it from a guy’s perspective. The aim is to allow women who tune in to know what guys think, and for the men it is a lifestyle rulebook to follow in order to be a true gentleman.

Last week on the show, the topic was “Does no mean no?” Meaning, when a woman says nothing is wrong, or that she isn’t interested in dating a guy is that truly what she thinks or is she playing a game? We all know that ever since junior high, guys and girls were taught that it’s “all a game” and that you shouldn’t answer the first call, or you should let the phone ring 4 times before answering, or you should say you are busy the first time a guy asks you out. Guys shouldn’t call a girl for 3 days after a date, they should show no emotional connection, and they should casually mention other girls to ignite jealousy to see if the girl really likes them. But come on! Why all the charades? Why can’t men and women just communicate?

On the radio show, one of the hosts said that girls don’t tell the truth, and they are always playing games and he wishes they would just say what’s on their mind. Yet he also admitted that even if a girl claims to be telling the truth, he wouldn’t necessarily believe her! So what I’m understanding is that guys want girls to tell the truth, but even when we do, you think we are playing the game still. Ok, that makes a lot of sense (not).

It was funny that this topic was chosen for that show because a few days before that I had a conversation with a guy friend of mine. I asked him why a guy would be turned off a girl after expressing interest in her, as I meet many guys and they find me intelligent and likable, but after a few conversations they are never to be seen again. He asked me what I tell them and what we talk about, and I told him normal, getting-to-know-you topics. He then asked me if I tell the truth about everything, and that perplexed me. I said of course I do, why wouldn’t I? He suggested that I hold some stuff back at first and- in his words, not mine- “play the game a little.”

Woah! So this guy is telling me girls SHOULD play the game to create some mystery. And yet other guys say they want the exact opposite. So, which one is it guys? If we hold stuff back, we are playing games. If we are forthcoming and honest, we’re pushy or you just don’t believe us. Call me crazy, but seems like you are the ones with issues to resolve. Make a decision and stick with it. It’s unfair to say that women don’t know how to communicate when guys give mixed signals all the time.

I’ve always been an honest, open person, and I never played games. It’s childish and a waste of time. Even when I was younger, I just didn’t get the point of it. I used to tell all my friends who would date compulsively to just be themselves. A girl would come and tell me she wants to call or text the guy she’s seeing but doesn’t want to see pushy, and I would tell her to just DO IT. Seriously, why the anxiety and stress over a phone call? If your instinct is to surprise someone at work with lunch, DO IT. Don’t turn it over and over again in your mind until you talk yourself out of it. It always amazed me how much time girls spent stressing over such mundane things.

So the deal is that as a guy, if you want open communication, you have to be able to take it. And when a girl does open up to you, take it as true honesty. Don’t always assume that girls play games. And if they do….well, you really don’t have anyone to blame but yourself.