The Double Standard

by jdeena

It comes as no surprise to the ones who know me, that I often rant about the double standard in our culture. To clarify, I mean as ARABS, not MUSLIMS. As far as I know, there is no double standard in Islam. Everything I know that may point out otherwise does, in fact, benefit the females more. But this post isn’t about that.

In my social circle, I have grown up in an atmosphere where Arab guys are given the….let’s say….”opportunity” to explore their sexuality with little or no repercussions. Meaning, that Arab guys regularly date and have sex waaaaay before marriage. I’m not going to bring in a religious debate here, because we all know that in ANY religion, premarital sex is a no-no. However, Arab men (as well as all men, I know- but that’s not why we’re here) tend to enjoy a little action before their wedding night. I’m not saying it is right or wrong. What annoys me is the fact that these same Arab men, once they are ready to “settle down,” start the quest for an untouched, pure, virginal bride.

Ok. Let’s be honest here. Who the hell does that anymore? I can understand the implications that come with a non-virgin bride. There is a hint of jealousy underlying the fact that you were not her first love. That she may compare you to previous lovers. That she will throw it in your face that you were not her first. Oh….you weren’t thinking all that? My bad.

I’m not writing this to be mean. I just would like to understand why guys tend to expect one type of girl, when they themselves have done nothing to deserve her? And why is it then when the girl has, in fact, had sex before marriage, she is treated like trash? As a culture, we need to get off the idea that men own the women and therefore they are the ones who govern their sexuality. A virgin or not, girls should be treated based on who they are, not what they have done.

Ok, next topic. This kind of goes along with the theme of this post. Arab men dating white girls is a trend that has increased exponentially since I was first in college. Or maybe it had always gone on, but I was unaware. Anyways, so lately I’ve noticed it more. Arab guys will date white girls for long periods of time. Years, even. Here’s the funny thing, at least to me: they never have the intention of marrying them. Oh, you can argue that some really do love their girlfriend, but deep down we all know the traditionalist mindset that Arab men have. They want an Arab wife, someone who will understand their cultural demands as MEN. They want to procreate many times over, and let’s face it, white women don’t have the tendency to breed an army (except for that lady in my last post. She was clearly brainwashed.)

A lot of times, these white girls are just barely included in the Arab guy’s “real” life. And by “real,” I mean Arab life. She will never meet his parents, and if she does it’s as a “friend.” She will never be allowed to attend any family function such as a wedding or Ramadan iftar. If she stays over his apartment and his mom comes to town, he packs up her stuff in a box and has her take it back to her place until the visit is over.

I am seriously laughing right now as I type this.

What girl in her right mind, regardless of race, would subject herself to such a degrading and humiliating role? Wake up! He is clearly using you! I swear, some girls are just so clueless. Listen, I know guys just wanna have a little fun before marriage (see subject above), but this is honestly so awful I can’t even hate the white girl for being so clueless. On some level, we all want to feel loved. It’s hard when you get caught up emotionally with someone. You never expect to be used like that. But I see it happen all the time, and I’m sick of it.

Arab guys need to understand that women are not disposable. We are not there to fulfill your needs before marriage, nor after. We deserve respect. Although if you are a girl dumb enough to succumb to such chauvinistic behavior, then maybe you deserve what’s coming to you. And before you even think it, STOP. I’m not anti-women’s rights or what else you want to spew at me right now. All I’m saying is that IF you allow yourself to be treated this way, then you should know better and not resort to being some guy’s “hobby.”

So, my rant is done. I feel better actually. Not to the point where I won’t cringe inside when I see an Arab guy with a white girl, or when I hear an Arab guy say he’s now ready for a wife so “bring on the virgins!” Those will always make me recoil with disgust, as I feel no one should ever feel entitled when it comes to the treatment of another human being.