Too often in life we make decisions, not knowing the effect they will have on us in the future. This can range from the schools we attend, jobs we take, and people we choose to have relationships with. Some of these decisions can be positive; others border on menacing. They serve no purpose except to be a nuisance, and once in a great while we are given small, quick reminders from the smell of a certain cologne to the favorite candy they used to prefer.
When it comes to finding “The One,” it is so hard to admit our faults. A lot of times we feel someone is not good enough for us and we want to see what else is out there. So we trade in that person for someone more appealing. The problem is, no one person is actually better than the rest. They all are great. It is our own selfish desires that get in the way and lead us to believe that we want something else. So we end up throwing away someone so perfect to indulge in an illusion.
The only one who misses out in this situation is you. Stop being so damn selfish and live in the moment. If you have found someone, enjoy your time with them. Stop worrying about what other people think. It turns out, they don’t get to live your life. Only you do. So really, their opinion doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, they go home to the one they chose and you should have the same choice.
Don’t allow yourself to wonder “What If?” Trust me, some years down the road, as you lay alone in your bed, you will ask that question. It’s a kind of pain that is unimaginable, one that is riddled with years of regret and studded with the pangs of despair that are inconsolable. One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that at one point you had all you ever wanted and now it is no longer there. Too often we live our lives reminiscing on what we have lost. We always wish we could turn back time to the days when we were happy. Why can’t we recognize when we are happy now? What is it that prevents us from taking advantage of the good we have found today?
Sometimes I wonder what life could have been with that one special person. Where would I be now? Would I have kids and home? A lot of times we ask ourselves these questions, if only to salvage the remaining memories we once had. They are what give us hope, and keep us hanging on to that sliver of hope of what might have been. Life is not guaranteed for us and so we must live each day to the fullest. Remember that happiness is fleeting; it can be there one day, wrapping its warmth around you, enveloping you in peace and tranquility, and the next day -poof!- it’s gone, like it was all a dream.
It’s easy to get caught up in wondering what could have been with that “one,” but if there is no realistic chance of it happening, do yourself a favor and stop dwelling on something that cannot change and move forward. Use that experience to learn from and realize that the next time you meet someone you cannot live without, hold onto them tightly and guard your happiness with the might of a soldier. No one can decide your fate but you.
“Fate is never fair. You are caught in a current much stronger than you are; struggle against it and you’ll drown not just yourself but those who try to save you. Swim with it. and you’ll survive”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes