Retaining My Youth

by jdeena

So lately, with my 30th birthday looming, I have reveled in the fact that most people (if not all) do not think I look my age. I usually get anywhere from 21-24, which for me is exactly how I feel so it’s a perfect match. I’ve said this before, but I think that if I looked older I would be forced to grow up and do the adult, responsible things. You know what I mean; marriage, kids, the “normal” thing to do. Ha!

The fact of the matter is, I do not look almost 30, and I in no way feel close to that age. I also do not feel like I need to settle down and become responsible for a home and husband. Call me immature, but I am being completely honest. I feel like I am 22 years old again, and I feel like I want to live this life again. I’m in the prime of my youth, and many of you may scoff at that but it’s how I feel and I can’t deny it.

I love my married friends, but since they are married, I have started hanging out with those who have a little more free time, and they all happen to be younger than me. Specifically 21-24 years old. Now, you might tell me that I need to hang out with people my age, but unfortunately I am not content with sitting around and waiting for months for a night out, or to have planned a night out over a month ago only to have it cancelled for some last-minute family obligation. DO NOT GET ME WRONG; I am not saying family is not important, and that my friends should ditch their family and go out with me when the situation does not permit them to do so. I am just saying I would rather not have to deal with that, and so I avoid it completely.

I am happy. Many of you may disagree, because I hear it time and time again; how can I be happy if I am not married? My sister even asked me how could I not want kids and a home and the answer is simple: that’s just not me. That is not a lifestyle I want. My married friends say that the reward of a family is greater than the burdens it presents, but forgive me for saying this, I still wouldn’t want to shoulder the burden. I adore my little cousin Tala, and I will babysit her, change her, play with her, and put her to bed, but at the end of the day she goes home to her mom. That is as much as I can take. I think that being able to admit that shows some maturity on my part, correct?

I am not a bad person because I want to be single. I am not a bad person for wanting to remain young. I know that I am the minority, and that there are very few girls out there who think like me. Or maybe there are plenty but they are afraid to voice their opinion and tell their parents no. I like to enjoy my time and have the freedom to choose what I want to do and when. I like to believe that it takes a very strong person to admit this out loud, and face the scrutiny of the community around me. Even if you don’t directly tell me, I know many will have their own opinions behind my back. And that’s fine. I appreciate your feedback.

But please, keep something in mind:

Forget that I am not conventional. Forget that I am one of a million.

You have made YOUR life choices. You are happy. So why is it okay for you, but not for me?

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