Breaking Will

by jdeena

I don’t get it.

For as long as I can remember, girls and guys have always had a “he-said, she-said” relationship. The guy claims he wants a strong-willed girl, but when he gets one he tries to break her. A girl swears she wants a nice guy and is done with jerks, but leave the nice guy for a guy who treats them like dirt.


I have so many smart, beautiful, educated friends who for some reason attract the jerks who like to use them and break down their will by making them feel inadequate and planting seeds of doubt in their mind. I can’t exclude myself from that category however, because I was once told that my most attractive quality was my strong personality and independence, yet for eight months that same person tried to take that away from me. I don’t understand it; if your ultimate goal is to break down the girl anyways, why not find a weak one to begin with? Is it the challenge of seeing if it can be done that thrills you? Or are you really attracted to that type but then realize she is too good for you, so in order to make yourself feel better you break her down?

Nothing is more unattractive than a guy with no self-respect or self-esteem, and the only way he feels he is a man is to use and abuse a girl. If you are lucky enough to have one of my smart, beautiful, and educated friends and you choose to use her then settle for something less, then you didn’t deserve her anyways and she is much better off without you. Just because you find a girl with a kind heart who would do anything for you because she cares for you DOES NOT make her weak. You taking advantage of her heart makes you weak.

I am sure I will receive a lot of comments from guys who say that girls are not innocent and have their own issues that they contribute to relationships, but this post is not about that. I know there are two sides to every story, and this post is focusing on the one side because I see it daily and I need help understanding why it happens.

Relationships are tricky; we never know who will be right for us and so we take a leap of faith and trust ourselves to make the right choices. We erase all doubt and try and convince ourselves that they care about us and they don’t mean to do the hurtful things they do. But, bit by bit, our excuses for their behavior outshine the praises.

To all my girls out there struggling with this, I leave you with this thought:

Remember that you work hard to build your character. It is a combination of your life events, family traits, and education. You are worth every moment of those circumstances, and if a guy cannot appreciate you for who you have become, then he doesn’t deserve to receive that part of you that will become his.