Visit from an Old Friend

by jdeena

Last night I was whisked away to an old topic of conversation with my parents: marriage. Of course, this was not the first time we have discussed it. Nor, I assume, will it be the last.

My dad told me of a Friday lecture at the mosque yesterday where the Imam told a story that was from the Prophet’s (PBUH) time. A man wanted to get married, but he was so unattractive that every girl he asked for said no. This man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and told him his dilemma. The Prophet (PBUH) then told this man to go see a man and ask for his daughter. The man was hesitant but did it; after all, he was listening to the Prophet (PBUH). The unattractive man went and asked this man for his daughter’s hand. The father was hesitant, but as he was thinking his daughter came around the back and said yes, she would marry the man, because she knew that the Prophet (PBUH) would never allow her to marry someone who was not good for her. She knew that she would be happy because she trusted the guidance of the Prophet (PBUH).

The moral of this story is that nowadays, our generation is so focused on looks and possessions that we are quick to judge a person before we know whether or not they will give us a good life. The Imam said that if our generation was closer to the Quran, we would not have trouble finding our partners in life. I believe this is true on some level. My dad went on even further to say that if we were closer to our religion we would trust our parents’ judgement and allow them to choose our spouse.

That’s when I had to pull back.

I understand that parents’ want the best for their children. I know that they have the best intentions. My parents know that I hate setups and that I do not like it when a guy comes to the house in the traditional way. However, they are convinced that this is the only way I will meet a good guy, because the last two I brought home ended up not being good guys. So because my judgement failed me, my parents feel that they can better set me up. They can have the guy checked out before he comes to the house. The problem with that is, they so little know about me and what I want that the guys end up being plain, boring, and not what I want at all.

I want to trust my parents, but on the other hand I am tired of constant disappointment. You might ask if there is anything better out there for me to find on my own, and I can truly say I don’t know. The only thing I am sure of is that at my age, my choices are becoming less and less attractive.

And I don’t mean just in the physical sense.